First week all but done.

Having had a really awful couple of years I have been striving for some lightness in my life. Life is still determined to throw obstacles up and one in particular is vey emotionally draining. However, I started this year determined to take a different view on my life and world around me and have been all out embracing positivity.

The first week of the new year is all but done and I am relieved to say I have survived with my positivity in check.
Normally I have what my kids call a meh at this point in the year; the festivities are over, the magical time is over and here in Northern England it is dull and grey, either raining or just grey clouds every day. The world around me can feel very depressing, often lending to the feelings of woe that can go hand in hand with the first few weeks of the new year.
But I've survived with my sanity and humour intact and despite the niggling situations, I remain determined to stay positive.

Here's to more positivity and light.

Live life.

Over the festive period I acquired a pack of angel cards. I've never been that keen on angel cards, having had a couple of packs in the late 90's.
This pack is a lot less fussy though, more a pick-a-card-day-for-inspiration pack than doing full on readings. I pulled my first card this morning and the message was to live my life. Very appropriate for me right now, so I am quite happy about that.

I need to just live. I need to stop wondering so much about future events. I need to stop hurting over people who don't give a damn about me. I've been holding on so tightly to a lot of pain and problems, I just need to let go and live my life.

And that's what I intend to do.

Change for the New Year.

I've been struggling for quite a while now with the whole celebrating life like our ancestors, you know, following the Celtic Year sort of thing.
Having New Year at Samhain is the biggest sticking point for me. I've been accused of not being a real witch because I don't feel that this particular period of time is the new year.
Well, tough bananas to anyone who wants to label me as a bad witch, or say I'm not a real witch, I guess you're entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine.

I live in a modern society and new year, whether I like it or not, starts on January 1st. It makes sense for me I so many ways to begin my year at the beginning of the calendar year. I can still be my witchy self, I'm not letting anyone down.

Delight.

Life is hectic, as always. Health issues still dominate our lives, but we've had an extra person's health added to the mix. Our youngest daughter, Emma, is pregnant with her first child. She has a low lying placenta which is causing a few issues, but there is still time for it to move up.

Today we went to the cemetery as it would have been my Dad's birthday. Whilst putting flowers on the grave something caught my eye, a red squirrel. My mother was particularly delighted as she has always wanted to see one but never has.
We all felt this was a gift to us from my Dad; we go to that cemetery all of the time and have done for years, yet we have never seen a squirrel. It just felt so special.

Lest we forget.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest we forget. ♥

That Eureka moment!

I haven't blogged in a while, been feeling sorry for myself over stuff. As is becoming the norm for this time of year, my schedule is ridiculously overloaded. I contemplated what I need to do between now and Yule and I just felt so overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

As I drifted through the last few days, struggling to find my way, I felt myself wishing it were already December, my schedule lightens at the end of the month, although there are still things to do. I found myself worried at my eagerness to wish my days away. This in turn led me to wonder what lesson I am supposed to take from all of this. Confusion reigned supreme until I chanced upon a friend's Facebook share. It all became clear that I need to let go, I don't have to be in control of everything, I don't have to control every aspect of my day.

By letting go and taking each day as it comes, along with the many things I don't really want to do, I am relinquishing control and letting life be. And that is the lesson I really need to learn here.
Some of my busy times are out of my control and are necessary, but some things have come about because I MUST have control and can't let things be. But I realise that it is time now, time to loosen my grip on certain things and let them be, they will be what they will without my input.

Once I had realised this my life felt much lighter.

What a year!

Remember Samhain 2011?

I do, I remember it well.  I remember it because it was at that point I decided to challenge myself to become more involved with the witchy side of my life.  I had been struggling for years and then the deaths of my brother and father so close together really hit me hard.  I felt like I had died inside, just ever so slightly and my spiritual beliefs were mocking me, so it seemed.  But I didn't want to give up on my beliefs, those beliefs had been serving me well since I was 14 and I figured that deep down inside of me I did still truly believe in my life as a witch.  I had been shaken to the very core, was hurting beyond belief but wanted to remain strong - such is my persona - and so I was able to do so.

I recognised that every time I faced a tough crisis my beliefs came into question.  Every time someone got sick, or something bad happened, or they died I felt like I had let them down.  If I were truly a witch then surely I would have forseen these dreadful events and been able to stop them.

You see how much pressure I was putting on myself?  Just who did I think I was?

But then a chance moment allowed me to look at my life and my beliefs and give me a break.  I looked at my own beliefs and parts of witchcraft that I felt I needed to look at for myself.  I challenged myself to think about this stuff for a year and a day.  It was never a how to be a witch type of challenge.  It seemed quite basic and lacking in depth at times, but it was a useful tool for me and that was the purpose of it.

In the beginning I blogged about it everyday, then a little less so, until finally I stopped altogether.  This was because it became far too personal, and whilst I have shared intimate details on my blog before, this was something I decided against doing in this instance.

The past year has been challenging at times, but the journey has been enthralling.  I have learnt an awful lot, more so than I imagined I would.  This is something I would highly recommend, especially if you are just starting our, or you find yourself challenging and questioning everything you believe in.