What a year!

Remember Samhain 2011?

I do, I remember it well.  I remember it because it was at that point I decided to challenge myself to become more involved with the witchy side of my life.  I had been struggling for years and then the deaths of my brother and father so close together really hit me hard.  I felt like I had died inside, just ever so slightly and my spiritual beliefs were mocking me, so it seemed.  But I didn't want to give up on my beliefs, those beliefs had been serving me well since I was 14 and I figured that deep down inside of me I did still truly believe in my life as a witch.  I had been shaken to the very core, was hurting beyond belief but wanted to remain strong - such is my persona - and so I was able to do so.

I recognised that every time I faced a tough crisis my beliefs came into question.  Every time someone got sick, or something bad happened, or they died I felt like I had let them down.  If I were truly a witch then surely I would have forseen these dreadful events and been able to stop them.

You see how much pressure I was putting on myself?  Just who did I think I was?

But then a chance moment allowed me to look at my life and my beliefs and give me a break.  I looked at my own beliefs and parts of witchcraft that I felt I needed to look at for myself.  I challenged myself to think about this stuff for a year and a day.  It was never a how to be a witch type of challenge.  It seemed quite basic and lacking in depth at times, but it was a useful tool for me and that was the purpose of it.

In the beginning I blogged about it everyday, then a little less so, until finally I stopped altogether.  This was because it became far too personal, and whilst I have shared intimate details on my blog before, this was something I decided against doing in this instance.

The past year has been challenging at times, but the journey has been enthralling.  I have learnt an awful lot, more so than I imagined I would.  This is something I would highly recommend, especially if you are just starting our, or you find yourself challenging and questioning everything you believe in.