........I performed my first ritual in a very long time. This may seem unintersting and not that much of a big deal to most, but to me it marked the dawning of a new era. It represented the fact that I have been able to move forward from that horrible place I have been dwelling for such a long time now. As corny as it sounds, I really didn't expect it to feel so.......wonderful, but it did. I'm trying to find the right words for how I felt, but nothing is right, so I'm not going to try. Those of you who have felt the beauty and magick of rituals and spell casting will know what I mean.
I have to say, I felt relaxed all evening, slept well - for a change - and was able to greet the new day (today) with enthusiasm. Feeling so good and positive has meant that I was able to get creative for the first time in I don't know how long and actually get some writing done. I also was able to make sense of some very intriguing signs that have been presenting themselves to me for quite a while, only I had no idea what they were all about.
I feel as if I have just worked out how to get out of an intricate maze and have been greeted by a beautiful sunny day after wandering, lost, in the dark and gloomy overgrown hedges of the maze. I don't think everything about feeling so good can be contributed to performing a Beltane ritual, but I think it certainly helped me refocus my thoughts and stagnant mind.
I am happy to be walking back into the sunlight after months in the darkness.